


Oceans Between Us

by MedicateMeDrMcCoy



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Two idiots who don't know the other is in love with them, and they cant be without each other, leonard and jim both struggling to come to grips that they love each other, mckirk - Freeform, theyre made for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 14:50:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11255184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MedicateMeDrMcCoy/pseuds/MedicateMeDrMcCoy
Summary: Leonard has feelings for Jim, and he can't contain them much longer. Does Jim feel the same way? Leonard hopes so.





	Oceans Between Us

Leonard sat in his quarters, staring down at the bourbon in his glass as he swirled it slowly. He tossed back the small bit that was left before quickly refilling his tumbler again. It had been a long day in Medbay, complicated by Jim being in there for half it with yet another head injury.

_I want you, yeah I want you_

He didn’t know when it happened, he didn’t know how it happened. Somehow Jim Kirk had wormed his way into Leonard’s heart, and taken root, blossoming into something more. Leonard was becoming frustrated at how his body betrayed him around Jim. Yearning, longing for nothing more than to take Jim into his arms, but he couldn't. Jim didn't and wouldn't feel the same way, he was more than sure. 

He had tried to push it down, tried to ignore it, but it was slowly getting harder and harder to hold it all back. Everytime he looked into those baby blues, his heart gave a twinge and his breath hitched in his throat. He would always have to hurry and busy himself elsewhere, lest he give himself away. 

_And nothing comes close to the way that I need you_

The days had turned to weeks, that developed into months of holding it all in. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up. Something had to give, though he wasn’t sure what. His heart ached deep in his chest at the decision he was sure was going to have to make. 

On one hand, he finally had something he had wanted for a long time, a true friend. On the other, having lost everything he ever had during his divorce, he was afraid of losing the best thing he found after said divorce, Jim. It was a constant battle of his mind versus his heart. Leonard was painfully becoming aware that his heart was slowly, yet forcefully, overpowering his mind. 

“Dammit, Jim.” Leonard muttered out quietly, closing his eyes tight, as he took another long pull of his bourbon. Leonard sat down his glass and grabbed for the bottle to top off his tumblr, when there was a short knock at the door. Leonard sat the bottle down on the counter with a heavy sigh. He knew that knock well. 

_I wish I can feel your skin_

Leonard rose from his chair, on slightly wobbly legs and made his way to the door. He pushed the keypad and the door slid open quietly. Jim stood on the other side with a goofy grin and two styrofoam containers.

“Bonsey! How about dinner? I brought your favorite.” Jim sang out quietly, lifting the containers into Leonard's view, wafting the smell towards Leonard with his hand.

Leonard swallowed thickly and stared blankly from Jim to the containers. This wasn't what he needed right now. He was too vulnerable, too raw from drinking to do this with Jim, not tonight. 

“Please, Jim, just go back to you room so I don’t I do something I regret.” Leonard thought to himself, grimacing ever so slightly, so that Jim didn't catch it.

_And I want you from somewhere within_

But, dammit, the kid was already here, and looking at him with that goofy, lopsided grin that always turned Leonard to putty. Jim also went to the trouble of going to get and bringing him dinner, he couldn't turn him away after that. Leonard sighed heavily and stepped out of the doorway, granting Jim entrance. 

“Rough day at the office, Bones? Seems you're already ankle deep in your good booze.” Jim looked at Leonard with a playful smile, yet his eyes shone with concern for his friend. 

“You know exactly the day I’ve had, Jim. You were half the stress of it.” Leonard growled lowly as he narrowed his eyes at Jim’s comment, slowly making his way back to the counter, staggering a bit as he walked. 

_It feels like there's oceans between me and you once again_

Jim grimaced slightly at Leonard's words but sat the container down in front of the other without another word, fixing him a glass of water and setting down some silverware next to the container. The two of them sat quietly for a while as they ate. Leonard was first to break the silence with a heavy sigh. 

“Look, kid, it was a long day and I…” Leonard started out softly as he stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork. He felt guilty for snapping at Jim all the time, he didn’t always mean to. It was his defense, a defense to keep people out, something he fell into so easily.

“It's ok, Bones, I get it. I know I'm a pain sometimes.” Jim replied while taking a bite of his sandwich. Jim didn’t always mean to irritate Leonard, but he couldn’t help himself. He enjoyed teasing Leonard and getting his attention, trying to get him to open up, to get past his defenses.

“Only sometimes? You're delusional, Jim.” Leonard barked out a dry, empty laugh, trying to fake his way through this conversation. He was growing more and more anxious the longer Jim stayed. He kept his eyes on his container, trying to ignore the piercing glances from Jim, doing anything to avoid those gorgeous pools of blue.

“Alright, okay, all the time.” Jim replied with a smile, but quickly dropped it when he noticed Leonard wouldn't meet his eyes, he narrowed his own eyes slightly at Leonard as he continued to eat his sandwich. Jim knew something was eating Leonard, he had an idea, but he had to be certain.

_We hide our emotions under the surface and tryin' to pretend_

Once Jim was satisfied that Leonard had eaten enough and wouldn't sustain himself on only booze tonight, he took the containers away and threw them in the trash. From the time Jim had picked up their containers and thrown them away, and returned to the counter, Leonard had already poured two glasses of bourbon. 

Jim picked up the glass and brought it to his lips, finishing the cool liquid in a few long pulls. He sat his tumbler down and watched as Leonard finished his own glass and made for the bottle once more. Jim quickly grabbed the bottle out of Leonard's grasp and sat it over by himself, out of reach. Jim ignored the fiery glare Leonard gave him as he reached for the bottle. Jim intercepted Leonard's hand and brought it down to the table. 

_But it feels like there's oceans between you and me_

“Bones, we need to talk.” Jim said simply, yet sternly as he continued to gaze over at Leonard. He resolved himself, that whatever Leonard said, whatever Leonard did, he wouldn’t take it to heart. Even if nothing comes of this conversation, he at least wanted to remain friends. They both still needed each other too much.

Leonard sat up in his seat slightly straighter, trying not to let the other see his nervousness. He knew he was failing at trying to be calm. His face flushed as his breath hitched, his knee was starting to shake, he was pretty sure he was having palpitations, and the bourbon was adding lightheadedness to the mix.

“Talk about what, Jim?” Leonard asked slowly, trying not to give everything away in his voice, but he knew what was coming, he had been dreading this conversation. His mouth felt dry, how he wished he had another glass of bourbon, or eight, anything to help ease the awkwardness of this conversation. 

“I think you know what, Bones. What's up with you lately?” Jim asked quietly, concern lacing his features, as he stared curiously at his friend. He wasn't sure if he had ever seen Leonard this unsure of himself. 

_I want you and I always will_

“I don't know what you're talking about, Jim.” Leonard replied, clearing his throat, while placing his hand on his knee to keep it from shaking. He braced himself mentally for what he knew was coming, one way or another. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Bones! Here lately I can barely get you to talk to me, let alone look at me, and when you finally do, you drop your gaze and hurry off somewhere else!” Jim started out quietly, and ended in a yell, his heart beginning to hammer in his chest. He was hoping and praying he had read the signs from Leonard right. 

“Nothing is wrong, Jim!” Leonard replied loudly, slamming his fist on the counter as he finally brought his eyes up to stare into Jim’s, daring the kid to continue with a glare. He couldn't tell Jim, he couldn't let this be the reason he chased Jim away. Jim couldn't want him as much as he wanted Jim, could he? But James T. Kirk wasn't one to back down from a fight. 

_I wish I was worth but I know what you deserve_

“Bullshit, Bones! I'm not leaving this room until you tell me what's going on with you!” Jim replied to Leonard with equal fire in his voice, jumping out of his seat. He was sure of it now, and he wasn't backing down until Leonard confessed. He wanted this badly, craved it, deep down in his very core. Leonard was everything he wanted, he just had to make him see it, understand it.

Leonard had never seen Jim this fired up at him. He cracked and quickly lost his resolve at the look of fire and determination in Jim's eyes. Leonard sighed heavily and closed his eyes as he allowed his shoulders to sag forward. 

“I can't tell you Jim. I can't have this conversation with you. Not now.” Leonard replied in a whisper that Jim barely heard, dropping his gaze once more to the counter. 

“You know you can tell me anything, Bones.” Jim replied, softening his voice and posture. 

“Not this kid, not this.” Leonard spoke down at his empty tumbler he had taken into his hands, to give him something else to concentrate on, rather than those gorgeous baby blues in front of him. 

_You know I'd rather drown than to go on without you_

“I think I already know, Bones.” Jim replied, voice still quiet and even. “You feel it too, don't you?”

“I still don't know what you're talking about, kid.” Leonard spoke thickly, voice cracking slightly. He decided to forego trying to hide any emotion anymore, it was pointless. Fighting against Jim was pointless, he knew Jim wasn't going anywhere until he confessed, but that wasn’t going to stop him. 

“And I say you're a terrible liar.” Jim replied as he made his way to Leonard's side, grabbing the other’s hand into his. Jim brushed his thumb across Leonard’s knuckles, smiling to himself slightly when the Leonard didn’t remove his hand from his grasp.

“Jim, I can't… we can't…” Leonard trailed off as he stared at his hand under Jim’s. He could feel his resolve starting to crack, he couldn’t keep this up all night. He knew the inevitable was coming, but still he resisted.

_But you're pulling me down_

“Who says we can't?” Jim asked, taken aback slightly at Leonard's reaction. His mind was racing and he was worried he had read Leonard actions wrong these past couple weeks. He hoped he hadn't overstepped. 

“I say we can't, Jim! You, me? No, I can't…” Leonard sighed quietly as he rubbed his face. 

“Bones…” Jim started to counter Leonard, but was quickly cut off. Leonard took a deep breath and looked Jim straight in the eyes.

“Look, Jim. After the divorce I lost everything. Everything I ever had to my name. I joined Starfleet as just a way to get off that god forsaken planet, but then I ran into you. Dammit Jim, you've been the best thing that's happened to me in years. I can't fuck this up Jim. I can't fuck this all up and lose you too. I couldn’t stand it if I lost you too.” Leonard finished, breathing out a shaky breath and he stared down at his hands, wringing them roughly. Leonard was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Jim chuckling quietly. Leonard took his eyes off of his hands as he turned to look at Jim with a puzzled look. 

_It feels like there's oceans between you and me once again_

“You really find that funny?” Leonard said as he narrowed his eyes to slits, slightly angry and slightly offended that Jim was laughing after he finally opened up, practically spilling his soul in front of the other. 

“I’m going to cherish this day forever, Bones. Today is the day I get to call you the idiot.” Jim said with a small wheeze and a twinkle in his eye. Leonard was about to give an angry reply when Jim cut him off once more.

“I get to call you an idiot, and confess to you that I feel exactly the same way.” Jim finished quietly and seriously, with a small smirk on his lips. Whatever Leonard was going to retort, it quickly died on his lips as his mouth hung open slightly. 

“You… you do?” Leonard replied so quietly Jim almost didn't hear. Leonard swore his heart had stopped beating, his brain had ceased to function, and his mouth instantly dried up as he tried to swallow. Did Jim just say what he thought he said? Was he imagining Jim saying the things he longed to hear?

_We hide our emotions under the surface and try to pretend_

“You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had, Bones. Someone that actually really cares about me. You can deny it all day long, but I know deep down you do. You're the best thing I’ve ever had in my life, Bones. If you think I'm giving up on that, then you're crazier than I am. When I’m with you, when I’m around you, for the first time in my life I feel safe and happy. I feel like I’m home.” Jim continued as he moved even closer to Leonard, gauging his response.

“I… we… Jim…” Leonard fumbled over his words, still not believing what Jim said, as they mixed with his own apprehensive feelings that he continued to cling to, but his grip was failing rapidly. 

“We can take this slow if you like Bones, but please believe me when I say, you can’t get rid of me this easy.” Jim spoke quietly as he placed a hand on Leonard's shoulder and squeezed gently. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Jim added softly. 

_But it feels like there's oceans between you and me_

Leonard figured it was now or never, and to hell with it. He tossed his apprehension out the window as he stood up from the counter quickly, almost too quickly as his knees wobbled slightly. Jim steadied the other with his hands as Leonard quickly closed the gap between them and pressed his lips onto Jim's quickly and softly. Leonard pulled away slightly, breathing shaky, his lips tingling from where Jim's had been, mixing with the bourbon on his tongue.

Leonard looked into Jim's eyes briefly, trying to gauge his reaction, unsure of what he saw in their depths. Leonard swallowed thickly, thinking he had overstepped and went to pull away from Jim, but the others grip in him was solid and comforting. It was Jim's turn to close the gap this time as he pulled Leonard back into him. Jim crashed his lips onto Leonard's, quickly deepening the kiss. 

_I want you_

Leonard’s heart exploded and every nerve ending he possessed was tingling when Jim pulled him back to into his embrace. Everything he had wanted these past few months was holding him steady and kissing him back. Leonard threaded his hands through Jim’s soft blonde hair, relishing the feel of it between his fingers. Jim moaned softly against Leonard’s lips. Leonard couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his lips. 

Jim's hands traveled down Leonard's shoulders, down his sides, coming to rest on his hips as he pulled Leonard's hips into his roughly, rubbing against him. Leonard gave a soft growl on Jim’s lips. Jim nipped Leonard's lip softly as he pulled away slowly. 

“Or we can take this fast and rough, Bones.” Jim replied, out of breath, giving him a quick wink, earning a genuine laugh from Leonard this time. Leonard felt lighter than he had in months.

_I want you_

“As much as I would like that, Jim. I want to do this right. I've wanted this a long time. I don't want to mess this up.” Leonard breathed out as he traced a thumb across Jim's cheek slowly, looking deep into his eyes. 

“I don't either, Bones.” Jim replied, placing his head on Leonard's shoulder, kissing his neck softly. “Well, here we are, two idiots in love. What do we do now?” Jim couldn’t help but smile into the crook of Leonard’s neck.

_And always will_

“I think I need a few more drinks after this day.” Leonard replied with a chuckle as he wrapped his arms around Jim and hugged him tight, breathing in his warm scent as he relaxed. He still couldn’t believe that Jim wanted this, wanted him, wanted this as much as he did.

“You and me both.” Jim replied with an airy chuckle as he pulled away from Leonard and led him to the couch, sitting Leonard on one end of it. Jim made his way back to the counter and poured them both another drink. Jim made his way back to the couch and sat next to Leonard, holding up his glass. 

“To old friendships and new relationships, to us.” Jim toasted with a wink and a twinkle in his eye. He finally had the one thing he had always wanted, always chased but could never catch until now, actual love.

“God help me, what am I doing?” Leonard replied as he rolled his eyes playfully, giving Jim a tiny smile. He couldn’t wait to get started

“Hopefully me, later.” Jim replied, wiggling his eyebrows, trying to loosen the tightly wound tension in the air. Leonard let out a loud groan accompanied by a chuckle as he clinked Jim's glass. They both took a drink, feeling the tension start to melt away, and everything falling easily back into place, like it used to be. 

_And always will_

“Come here you idiot.” Leonard spoke lowly as he tugged on Jim's collar, pulling him in for a slow, gentle kiss. As they both pulled apart, they looked into each other's eyes, grinning widely at each other as they both saw love and devotion shining back at them. Neither one could remember the last time they had ever been this happy, and they will both fight to keep it.


End file.
